i am not sure if most writers feel this way about their first novel. not saying that i can not be a unique being but...it seems (and i am experiencing) an implosion of sorts. just the content, time, energy, self doubt, small victories, etc. all of it seems, is, a lot. or it could be the depth of what i am writing - i dont think the same jagged implosion would happen if i were writing a comedy. yet i am writing a drama, set in the shadow of baldwin, dealing with death, art, racism, survival, rebirth, poetry.
so...for me...to gather enough material and words and to describe each scene with the type of emotion needed for such...i sort of take emotions of the past and present, then transfer those feelings to describe the scene.
so death is me re-dealing with deaths of those close to me, the feelings of numbness, wanting to drink ur nights till morning. love lost, when ur such a wreck from heartache that you forget food is needed for survival, a stomach lost appetite. or rage...when someone calls you out of your name in a malicious way...how i felt, feel, the adrenaline. i ( and writers), just try to transcribe what has already broken and rebuilt me in my past.
you just try to write feelings...your feelings inside your character's story.
and it's hard not to be so involved...and then leave that state to dare have a social life and 9to5...and there's this sense of misunderstanding from the people you are around because they don't understand the artistic implosion that has lit the belly within.
so...for me...to gather enough material and words and to describe each scene with the type of emotion needed for such...i sort of take emotions of the past and present, then transfer those feelings to describe the scene.
so death is me re-dealing with deaths of those close to me, the feelings of numbness, wanting to drink ur nights till morning. love lost, when ur such a wreck from heartache that you forget food is needed for survival, a stomach lost appetite. or rage...when someone calls you out of your name in a malicious way...how i felt, feel, the adrenaline. i ( and writers), just try to transcribe what has already broken and rebuilt me in my past.
you just try to write feelings...your feelings inside your character's story.
and it's hard not to be so involved...and then leave that state to dare have a social life and 9to5...and there's this sense of misunderstanding from the people you are around because they don't understand the artistic implosion that has lit the belly within.
3 comments:
This is all true. The implosion is part of what happens to you. The novel uses up everything that you know, it takes every bit of truth in your brain, rearranges it, irrevocably changes you the person, and you the writer. But this is what it takes. And the world needs novels. So, keep going. It can't hurt you, not really.
i just learned something else. thank you
That was strong. I don't think I ever would have thought to describe it as an "implosion", but I liked it! I think any form of art where you're depicting emotion of any kind requires some form of implosion. I do the same thing when I sing, when I act. I just wish I could draw or dance and do it all over again then!
Post a Comment